What's It Like To Be an "ENFJ"
A Self-Portrait Personality Type Description for ENFJs**
By Linda V. Berens Ph.D. and Dario Nardi Ph.D.
||ENFJ - Envisioner Mentor
|Likely Social Style:
I really believe everything happens
for a reason, to everybody. I’m a
human being, there are other human
beings around me, and each of us is
unique. I trust when something is going
to take me to a higher level and I’ll
bring lots of people along with me—
a constant quest of building a strong foundation of self
and others from everything I learn. Relationships are
about the higher purpose—there is a deep level that
needs to be satisfied or there is no point—I need a unique
connection or I am unsatisfied. I feel a responsibility to
make a difference.
Personality Type Descriptions by
Linda V. Berens, Ph.D. and
Dario Nardi, Ph.D.**
I am empathic. I just get a feeling about people.
It’s difficult to explain. I have the gift of being able to
relate and meaningful communication is a major piece
of my life and a major vehicle for growth. I’m good
at working with people to improve their behavior and
their lives. I’m described as someone who cares, who
has an uncanny sense for knowing what others need or
what they are about. When I talk to people I’m listening
for their stories and their concerns and I experience the
joy or stress with them. I remember what’s uniquely
descriptive of that individual, and I am good at giving
praise and pointing out the gifts they bring to their world.
If I get vibes that they are not comfortable developing the
relationship the way I think it should be, I will back off,
but I look for another clue to come back and develop it.
What matters is working at making the relationship the
best that it can be at whatever level it is, building depth
Honesty is very important. Even if the truth is bad
it adds to the depth of the relationship.
I hate unresolved conflict—it makes me sick and
can stay with me until it’s resolved—and I hate it when
people are demeaned or mistreated. My heart goes out
to them so I feel it’s my responsibility to help, and I
will fight on their behalf. It’s just something I do, but it
hasn’t always worked. I end up telling the person what
to do and then they do what they want regardless. If I’m
really upset, I’ll let myself calm down, figure out what
I’m going to say, and then confront the situation. I am
very careful and aware of my actions or words and what
effect they will have on another person, and I am thankful
to have learned to take the time to envision various
interactions before they happen. I used to push, but now
I’m more patient. I’m usually fair, open, and unbiased.
I don’t understand people who are insensitive to others
needs or issues or thoughts or feelings. Either I don’t
want them in my life or I want to teach them how to care.
It bugs me when people don’t take the time to understand
I usually put the relationship ahead of tasks I have
to do, but I don’t have unlimited energy. When I can just
be who I am and in a sharing mode and when there is
not a task-oriented pressure, that flows better. I try hard
to “be there” emotionally for those in my life so I have
to constantly set up boundaries so I don’t take on their
problems. I usually work overtime to make sure I am
understood. It is also very important to me for others’ to
be properly understood, and I expend a lot of time and
energy making sure they are understood and comfortable.
Being unable to build relationships with those who need
it is frustrating.
It’s particularly difficult when my needs aren’t
being met. Sometimes I can’t even feel good about
myself because I worry that others did not get what they
needed. In a group, I need to separate my interests from
others or I’ll be easily swayed by what they want and
how they behave. I can’t be successful for myself if I’m
trying to fit into someone else’s idea of me.
I also tend to take a leadership position—not a
strong one always but I’m looked at as a leader. Others
having genuine confidence in me is almost as good as
having the confidence myself. When someone comes
for help, it’s a compliment. I listen and feed some things
back that maybe they haven’t thought about, something
that’s profound for them. Often people will disregard
the information I give them as unimportant only to later
request the same information. That energizes me. I
try to be a thoughtful good listener, interested, fun,
and someone to come up with ideas. Humor is a great
teacher and great healer. My favorite thing is to watch
someone have an "aha" experience, and I really admire
people who have been through something and learned.
This concludes "What's it like to be an ENFJ,"
A Self Portrait Personality Type Description.
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