What's It Like To Be an "ESFJ"
A Self-Portrait Personality Type Description for ESFJs**
By Linda V. Berens Ph.D. and Dario Nardi Ph.D.
||ESFJ - Facilitator Caretaker
|Likely Social Style:
I like to be involved and doing
something. Much of my day is
keeping contact with a lot of people.
That’s an important part of my life.
I enjoy communicating with people,
talking, going places and doing
things, watching people and learning
from watching. Bringing people together is a real
pleasure. Sharing and time spent with friends and
family, a special person, is very satisfying. I like to
think about other people, and find I feel tremendous
pleasure in reading them. When I see someone who
just doesn’t talk, sometimes I feel maybe they’re
missing something. I don’t have trouble revealing
what is very close to me, even with a complete stranger
if I feel safe. Sharing confidences is a gift. I will
anticipate others’ needs.
A perfect day is feeling I’ve made a difference
to someone. No tension, no conflicts, just something
I’ve solved in a way that feels good to the best of the
standards I’ve set for myself.
Personality Type Descriptions by
Linda V. Berens, Ph.D. and
Dario Nardi, Ph.D.**
In my personal life, friends are important, and
being a good friend and having good friends I can
depend on makes life a pleasure and a joy. Long-lasting
friendships or new ones—I generally care about others
and they sense that. Maybe I care too much sometimes,
but I want to listen to their background and rationale of
why they did something. Part of me wants to tell them
the answer right away, but sometimes people just want
someone to listen. When I have a problem I bounce it
off of people I respect and take into account how others
involved will be affected. It can be difficult to take
a hard line when people are going to be slighted, but
sometimes I have to go through a lot of conflict, do what
I must, and step on some toes. But I don’t like conflict.
It’s hard for me to be confrontational, even to the
point where I can leave myself in a bad place because
I really don’t have the nerve to confront someone
and say really what I think needs to be said. I tend to
skirt the issue, put it off, because I am very aware of
hurting people’s feelings. But I am not afraid to face
a challenge. I will stand up for the rights of others in
spite of many obstacles because I believe in justice
and helping people. Intolerance and prejudice, people
who don’t stand by their word or lie to cover up hurting
someone else—these raise the hair on the back of my
neck. It turns my stomach when people intentionally
take advantage of and hurt others. It’s not what the
person says so much as how it’s being said, to the point
where I don’t hear the message. I want to hear where
the person is coming from.
Routine for me is actually something that can be
comforting. I think the rhythm of it helps center me. I
am good at organizing things. And you’ve got to have
some fun out of your work in order to get up every
morning and go. I like doing something just for fun, a
random act of kindness. Appreciation and meaningful
support can come in a variety of packages—when
people intuitively know what I need or a hug or a day
off. I’ve done a lot of the civic-type thing over the years
in the community, volunteering part time. That’s very
rewarding. It’s important to raise my kids to be good
citizens, to be compassionate in their relationships,
to work hard and stick with it through the hard times.
Generally what goes around comes around if you wait
At times, even though by nature I want to be
understanding, I can find myself torn between going by
the rules and understanding. Often I’m frustrated with
decisions because I’m caught between different values,
and I have a reputation for expecting others to set goals
for themselves and then try to obtain those goals. I
tend to be a little too sensitive. I take criticism to heart.
Please know that I may not respond right now but I heard
you and I will respond.
I follow through on my commitments and
obligations and believe in honest relationships and
honest communication. I admire people who are not
afraid to show affection, who are not embarrassed to try
things even though they may not be good at them or are
willing to make a change in their life, and who stand up
for the rights of others and are not afraid to speak out
when they feel someone is out of line. Personal growth
means listening to myself and thinking about things,
putting my priorities in order, and understanding that
setbacks are only for today and that I can go on.
This concludes "What's it like to be an ESFJ,"
A Self Portrait Personality Type Description.
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